Oh and side note, what the hell am i supposed to say when someone dies? not that is happens often, but " i am sorry" sounds stupid, and "That sucks donkey balls" well expressing my true emotion, seems harsh. ugh, i want answers!!!! damnit. oh and www.bettybowers.com rules.
- posted by G @ 3:13 AM (0) comments

 
This one goes out to special K, who assumed I was dead, for lack of posting. Holy SHIT I am in college dorms, I have a plug up my ass. Okay, I just came back from a three-way with two 18 y/o lovers on the verge of a breakup. Why? Because I can, that’s why. I feel that I no longer need to, want, get, do. Japyquack: we should do it again Japyquack: next time i will cuff you :-) JusBp: I felt bad JusBp: like JusBp: it felt good JusBp: and i liked it That’s one of the two (name change of course) on aol IM. Okay, so real time. I moved into the dorms this Saturday, I have a Korean roommate (he is from Korea) it’s very weird and very cool. He;s 27, I live on the international floor, so the dorm smells of rice and fish frequently. And I have the sick tendency to hum “turning Japanese” when I do my homework. I am making friends and now that I live here I can finally hang out with them. And sort of developing crush like feelings for one of the 18 y/o, curse his vanilla ways. I saw the rocky horror picture show this Saturday. It was great, I dressed up like brad, white undwear and a shirt, thank god for break away pants. It’s one of those things that everyone should do if the opportunity exists, it lets you see what life is like. Sort of like S/m. You have layers, you can’t spend your whole life worshiping rocky horror, but you have to admit what you like. So if you’re the nerd who goes to every Friday, that’s fine, just don’t say that’s all you can ever do on Friday, or better yet, be willing to skip Saturday. Oh and then I went to the eagle, got an e-mail (lost it) and need to go back and find him (3rd time we met). I also saw Adman, and we got to talking, wanted to play but, stopped the scene at his place, (okay I tried, but he I hot, so we did a little oral, but no cum). I asked him out to dinner (why? Cause I can, that why). Then Sunday I went home to clear out my room, ran through it like a jew leaving Egypt, grabbing what I could. I saw VJ too, we spoke, traded anger, and then he decided that he didn’t want to be friends anymore (why? Cuase he can). On the way home I played with Red (pissed on him and came on his head). It was so hot! His knees dirty with mud as he blew me in the woods of a local park. So where does this leave me? LIFE IS GOOD. I am great. But I have worries and fears, why? Cause I can.
- posted by G @ 3:11 AM (0) comments

 
I have decided to get a tattoo years from now, having picked out my hanky colors a couple days ago, (orange and black) i am thinking tiget. Maybe Hobs (of Calvin and) but with a whip. or just two lines going down my spine. more latter, fun tonight. some one asked me to "have drinks at my place" (was there ever a time when i thought that meant drinks at his place?)
- posted by G @ 5:25 PM (0) comments

 
Post lunch with Red, I feel my financial situation needs clarification. I have money, I am not hard up. If I wasn’t okay for money I would not be considering half the trips that I am. Where the difference lies, is that now, I have to think about it. Good or bad, I don’t know (I am leaning toward good). But irregardless I find it aggravating, especially when there is a really cute slave (we will call him teach) with a really hot Master (see I do the appropriate capitalization and everything) in Chicago (must see them when they come to Hartford). Oh well. This quarters travel schedule looks like: Boston: Nov 7-9 too see JR and DB and hopefully again in dec. to see BonGag (and JR and DB if November goes well) Chicago: December to see Troop. Back to my weekend: So I go home with the Aussie, we do water sports, he uses my handcuffs on me, I have nail marks on my nipples from him. But it’s not that play that I love, with met-in-a-bar-that-night (mbtn) sex you have the moment where just don’t know what’s happening. He has you tied up in a tub and pulls out his dick, you wonder “should I blow him?” and as you go for it, he lets out a stream of hot piss (okay, so I was in the tub, should have guessed, but cock=suck in my book). The walk back to his place was even better, I had no idea whom was topping whom, but he fixed that with by grabbing my wrist and pushing me through the door. Moreover with MBTN you have a moment of fun, like this hot knife through whatever you reality is. A space of just…pure lust. We roll around, he hits my chest, spanks me, bites my ear, we come, its over. We sit on the floor, out of breath, he unclips the handcuffs, throws me a towel we chat some more, he gives me his e-mail, I return mine, then I go. A simple moment of lust, a space from my norm, one that needs not be repeated, something that simply is. It existed there once, no need for it to exist again. And I confess, I like it that way sometimes. On the other hand Sunday, Sunday found me tied to a workout bench, having my cock worked over with a riding crop. My balls tugged and my back lightly flogged (not a lot, sadly). Among other things it was your basic, Talk-Online-For-Awhile meet up (TOFA). With TOFA you get a more intense scene, and one that flows better. Which is great, but that takes away the mystery, you’ve seen the guy naked, you know what he wants to with you. While the experience itself is great, and you do have some un-expected moments (no one ever gives you a minute by minute list of what they will do to you). But you can’t match the spontaneity of naked exploration with a stranger. But, maybe that is my bag. After the Sunday Scene I hit the bar known as dugout and met a 20 y/o who, is like me, young, kinky, and intense. He is known in Boston, and elsewhere I assume, and lives like 11 miles from me. And as cool as it is, ( I have heard about him before, but I thought he was in Boston). So I keep thinking, why didn’t I meet him earlier? I was so…lonely in this community at 18, when I hide the rope burns (cover up works well), felt ashamed of the bruising I would get on occasion. But I guess it’s so much better this way, I came out stronger, and a lot better off for it. On something unrelated, I had a weird moment yesterday. I found myself being really defensive over something surprisingly stupid. The men I am seeing in boston gave me a command. It was one that moved out of leather-sex. Which is fairly common, especially since this one was in an effort to protect my best interests. But I found myself getting upset over it. It was weird, but I figured it out. I don’t want to lose my independence before I have it. I guess that’s my fear, I am so trusting with who I give my body too. Sex is sex, I don’t worry about that, but I get very worried when I have to trust something more that my wellbeing to someone. So I think I over-reacted, but I apologized and we move on. Okay so this week was bottom heavy. Sunday and Monday of next week I am doming! Sunday Red gets tied up, pissed on (in), and beaten (among other things). Monday, fire play! With a man named GmsAJ.
- posted by G @ 4:29 PM (0) comments

 
This weekend was fun, for whatever reason, I am getting lucky this month when it comes to meeting men and such. Friday I stayed in, mostly, except for a dinner outing with some high school friends. After which I went home and caught up on my homework (far less pathetic than it sounds). Well, I should clarify, I went over to the ex’s (VJ) and commenced with the giving of snuggles and cuddle-fucks. Then went out to dinner with friends (local sushi place). I find myself in a weird place now, this past year I had few expenses (pay rent, cell phone, done.) and now I find myself with books, college worries for next year, and I am no longer among the wealthy Jew crew of my past. I find myself going over expenses and bank statements, and taking 10 minutes or so to ponder my cell phone bill. It all feels very…adult, and I am not sure that I like it. It’s stupid really I don’t want to be a child, but I am not ready to start living on my own (well emotionally anyway). But, that time is approaching. So Saturday i woke up late and went finished the scraps of my CIS homework, hit the gym, and finished reading my women’s studies chapters. All in time for 9:00, when I got dressed and went to the eagle (I like the eagle, sort of). I was going to meet a dom from online, but PnP (the use of drugs, where no drug use is needed) was brought up so I steered clear. Okay so it’s weird, ain’t it? A day after I chill with kids I knew when I was 16, I hang out with a 53 y/o man that I chest punch in a bar. My life feels very sectional sometimes in that way. And as bad as it is to say, I like it that way. There’s a cheap thrill I get when I can anecdotally tell a friend I got tied up (leaving out the parts that really terrify). Something fun about having a secret identity. At the eagle I met up with Red, we fooled around a bit (punches in kisses, kid stuff). I love just the simple act of chest punching a man at a bar, it’s indicative of sex, without pretension (I want you so much I need to hit you). I was going to piss on him, but then I decided to roam around the bar (I find it hard to be in one place to long of a time). I wound up seeing a man with a shirt that carried the London Hoist bar’s logo. I complimented him on it. He smiled, asked if I had been (I haven’t), we got to talking, I asked if it was his hang out for the “leather, the levis, or the hoist part” he twisted my hand slightly and smiled. He asked if I wanted to fool around, I consented, informed Red of my plans, then left. I will finish this latter, lunch with Red becons
- posted by G @ 12:53 PM (0) comments

 
Distance SUCKS, Not in the “he lives over there and I want to sit on his face” sense but tonight, In the “she is in florida and I can’t protect her” sense. It’s 3:30 and I get a call from the Brit. She’s crying, some guys from her college took her out to a club, she lost them and they ditched her in the city of south beach. Not all that scary to me, but one of the boy’s had her cell phone, and wallet. So I got the post incident call, She saw the boy, got her stuff back, and slapped him. I love my friends for their strengths. But… I can’t help, it’s like watching a horror movie (“don’t go in that room! Don’t go in the room! See, now your dead.) I want to be there, I wanna hold her, being lost in a city sucks. Not that the thought of hitching a ride home with burly strangers is anything to not find hot. But not with my friends, they are the only true family I have. God it sucks. I want to hurt that kid…badly. Fucking teenagers. Done with that now. College is going good, I want to live on campus, the 20 y/o and I have coffee tomorrow, he keeps calling me young man, I will have to break him of this habit. I am may be interrogated at MAL I am worried I will crack too quickly, but if I last I can get cum control of a top (woohoo) I am going to Boston in November. I will meet with two tops, I will be a boy for 30 hours. One is into control the other is into fire-play, among other things. If I get my chores done I get to play. I am Very slowly forming “the Manhattan project” it is sort of working out to be an “everyone meet here at this time” group. Which is kinda cool, a nomadic leather group that hits random bars? I like that. Joey. Out.
- posted by G @ 4:14 AM (0) comments

 
Hey there, i shoud clairfy "manhattan project" that's it's name, Red is in, so in a few months, maybe i can get people to meet up.
- posted by G @ 3:04 PM (0) comments

 
Okay, so last night I hit the eagle, bowling was cancelled and I wanted to do something. I spoke with a top from Brooklyn and we met up there. HOT FUN! Flogged at the eagle (for like a minute), then he left (I would have gone with him but I was feeling way to randy to be submissive). So I met up with 2 guys separately: one twig of an actor, the other a muscle god who pushed me into the wall and lifted me off my feet. Perfect, right? Wrong, while both were into the idea of kink, neither knew what they wanted. The actor like public sex, and went to the eagle in the assumption he could have it. The muscle god wanted drugs and “play”. “I love being spanked while I am fucked” he told me as we kissed. Okay, so what’s wrong here? Nothing really, the desire for leather is here, but the problem is that we have no clubs, no groups forcing it upon the people. The RENAGADES aren’t out in force, and the other clubs are sort of nameless. GMSMA isn’t scary enough to attract the attention of people who aren’t ballsy enough to look for it. We need a club, a group that shows up at the bars with their boy’s in chains, the whip marks showing, the men in chaps, and the Chelsea queens who populate the bar would just have to deal (the playdo of the bar, “fun to look at, not to eat”). NYC for all it’s leather has lost it’s community I think. I mean we have a leather community, but were not scary anymore. In SF they have the 15 association and other clubs, in Chicago they have CHC. It’s all a matter of making showing, of saying “yeah you vanilla guy I am into scary shit, want some?” That’s all it’s not that we lost our bar, or that we lost our dirty back rooms. Those things help, but walls do not a leather scene make. It’s the clubs, the private gatherings, the hushed whispers of “I hear that they make people bleed, that he likes to have needles in him, that he likes to be whipped.” Leather for all the advances to make it public, requires a certain amount of intimacy, privacy, and for lack of a better term, mystery. A magician never reveals how he does his tricks and I don’t think that leather should attempt to either, with outsiders. I don’t know I think this could work, but time will tell. So here is my plan. I am going to make a club. Somehow, someway I am going to do it. We will start slow, but I know enough people to gather a card game or two. Place will be the hardest, once I can gather everybody it is only a matter of finding a place for them. And the name came to me last night as I was at the eagle “Manhattan Products” (a play on the atom bomb scientists) Or “MP” (I am open to suggestions) . I think I can do this. It’s not so important we have play events yet, or that we do anything for the community, just that I can gather people and we show up. You know how flash mobs work? Same idea. Gather, be at the bar, and disperse at some point, maybe it’s a pipe dream. But I am going to spring the idea on red and then who knows? My goal is simply to make a standing again, leather is here, we just need to show up. We won’t try to teach you anything, but we make take you home if you get the balls to ask. It’s time leather men became elitist queens, fuck inclusiveness. Seedy back rooms nothing, seedy houses, seedy streets, seedy lives! So, if you start seeing shirt’s that say “sadomasochist” or there is a large group in one corner of some leather-esque bar in the city and you get a little scared to talk to them for fear they might beat you. Or some guy with a shirt off has marks on his back, well I have done my part. Oh and if I never write about this again, it means I failed miserably, which is more than likely as I tend to be way more content after a good hard flogging or a great bondage scene. Both of which I have on the horizon. Oh and on an unrealated note, I got my dildo in tonight which means woohoo!
- posted by G @ 1:14 AM (0) comments

 
The eagle- 2 numbers, lots of kissing, one drug offer, me deciding to go home alone. I realize NY is no longer a leather city, but I also realized that it’s just underground. In the 5 (6?) months since the lure closed leather has just become harder to find. I know it’s around here, and I have connections. It’s just a matter of time before it happens. Oh well, I have random stuff to tell, I will write tomorrow.
- posted by G @ 5:29 AM (0) comments

 
So I am in class, bored out of my skull, so I figured, “why not do a blog?” So I am Okay, in my Gender Studies class I have found a partner for my final project. She is kinky too, did cutting with he boyfriend, likes being spanked, bitten and tied up. We will call her Bunny. It’s weird, but finding this out had me smiley all day. I don’t really think of myself as young, at least not in my head. But I know I am when it comes up as such I don’t defend my age. And I am no lonely, really, but I never have had a person in my life who I could relate to on a level of “there’s an essay due tomorrow and I am worried about it, do you think I should get flogged tonight?” Bunny sort of represents the possibility of a friend who can do that. We spent a break between classes as I showed her pictures from Leatherlevi weekend (the one with me having needles run through parts of me.) and she went “cool!” Today we talked about her spanking last night and she showed me the bite marks, and then changed over to talking about the reading and classes. Just a normal conversation, not the normal…yuck face. Maybe she is a modern day fag hag, the leather men’s hag. I don’t know, but this is cool, me and the new college crew (NCC) is going out this Saturday for bowling at Chelsea piers, and I am spending the night in the city after work with Straus. On an unrelated topic when I was younger I used to not hug. I would avoid it, I never really had a reason for it, but hugging was one of those things I just couldn’t enjoy for whatever reason. After I came out, hand shakes became less and less acceptable in my circles, one day I gave up on preventing hugs, and just went with the flow (I am still not very good at them) and I never really thought about it. Then it hit me yesterday, hugging is a basic form of trust. You allow a person to hold you, and for a moment or two, you cannot see what their hands are doing. I guess I have moved on from that because hugging doesn’t bother me so much anymore. Oh and I am going to be in Boston the 8-9 for 30 hours of being a boy (chores, cooking, cleaning, play) it could be interesting, or I could be a screw up. Hope it’s the first one.
- posted by G @ 2:27 PM (0) comments

 
Okay, so the first couple days of college have been murder on my schedule, I can no longer sleep in and get up at noon, it 8:00 everyday except Friday. Which does not mesh well with my desire to stay up till 2 am, but I am doing it, so all is well thus far. I still do not have a place on campus yet (within the next two weeks is what I am told) but I am finding the commute to be slightly better that tolerable. It’s nice to have an hour each day to myself, surrounded by people. I get some work done on the way in and sip coffee while Wall Street types discuss there day to day plans with associates and what not. Classes are okay, I loath math, but I can do it just fine (need to find my graphing calc.), I love my gender studies course, I am thinking of doing my final project on lesbian sadomasochist’s. Other than that no classes stick out with me, everything is fine. The only real dilemma is when I will move into the dorms, but I am giving it to the end of September and then figure it out if they don’t have anything by then. I met up with Red yesterday for lunch, made him kiss me before he left. Yes it was childish, but he was so nervous it was very cute, and it’s that Chihuahua like energy that people sometimes pull off that gets me going. Otherwise I am hanging out with Gike and Glex, and some girl named pam. We have been hitting the bars last weekend, but this one I am gonna be working so we are gonna do a bowling alley (hello Chelsea piers). VJ and I are starting to grow apart, but I can deal. In the mean time I am thinking of starting to wear a leather flag shirt to class. Just for kicks, no one knows what it means, and those that do would have to explain themselves. All is good, off to class!
- posted by G @ 2:33 PM (0) comments

 
Okay, been a while, college is up and running, my bank account has 200 dollars in it, and I went out with people my own age last night, life is good! I am worried about balancing work and play and school, but that will come in time. Otherwise I have no fears. I will post more tomorrow, lots of stuff has happened, but nothing really crazy, so it’s all just stuff that is cool.
- posted by G @ 1:07 AM (0) comments

 
Okay, I got 7 stitches tonight (less than an hour ago), and I may have a permanent scar (not sure if it’s cool yet), I was dancing to the song “milkshake” by kelis and smacked my head. The blood poored, I grabbed a paper towel and applied pressure to the area (god I love being an EMT at this moment). My Father got up and drove me to the hospital (empty cause I am in a small town), where I was asked “are you drunk? Bar fight?” I told them the dancing story, they looked at my Father and I cracked the joke “well, in my house we call it ‘he’ll listen next time’” Father was not amused, the doctor was, though. Anyway, he told me I would need stitches and that it would scar. HE gave me some Novocain, and started, it hurt, a lot. “oh I didn’t put enough in” he said calmly “want me to just put some more in?” The part that disturbs me is I told him no. I used my standard “nah, I can deal” when I mean to say “nah, I like pain” So I got to experience this weird moment, of sitting through this man’s attempts to fix me, denying his total help, I felt very much like one would in the 1900’s when the drug was alcohol and this stuff hurt: always. Okay, it was weird, it is weird, but I wanted to experience it, that feeling of it piercing my skin, 7 times, it hurt, 7 times it helped. Odd as it may be, I enjoyed it, the doc could have been cuter, the nurse could have been male, and my father could have been elsewhere, far far away. But as it was, I sat there unrestrained as a man stuck a needle above my eye and verbally told me how I was going to be scared and I couldn’t do anything about it except pray. Hot? Well I thought so. On an unrelated topic, my father and I got a little closer tonight, I sat in the er, thinking “great a facial disfiguration” he put his hand on my shoulder and it was comforting. Something about it brought back all the memories from when I broke my collar bone, the bloody hand occurence, the knee incident, the wasp, the bad punch, and the floppy disk incident(I go to the ER more than normal people *ahem* Duh *ahem*) and he’s always there, during or after. I don’t know why, but he passified me tonight. It works sometimes I guess. I want to end this with something I rarely do: whine. I DON”T WANT A SCAR, I like my face, I LOVE MY FACE, it’s pretty and well together, I didn’t avoid popping pimples and moisturizing so that I could have some stupid gash in my head latter on in fucking life g*d damn it, I did it to preserve the part of my body I like most (sorry that may be vain, but damn it I am cute), I didn’t avoid Razors so I could bust my head on a wooden bed, and If I am gonna have a scar at least let me have a manly reason. Let me tick off a biker, let my piss of a cop, let me upset president bush, or at the very least anger one of the Amish. I mean COME ON!-thank you, I am better now. -joey out
- posted by G @ 4:00 AM (0) comments

 
Okay couple things, First: I still love VJ, we spent this morning sleeping together, were broken up because of my college circumstances. Which sounds stupid but, I can’t pull of boyfriend real well, and I don’t want to pour myself into something like this. I guess it’s stupid really. At heart I am runner, with all my lack of fear about physical pain…I don’t want to get my heart broken, so I cut it off before it ended badly. Hence, I run from this stuff. Second: My current obsession is college, I like my school, but I am nervous about cash so I am thinking about doing a cuny, they are cheap and I could use my college fund to easily pay the rent on my house. plus then I am all set for cheap trips and the such. The problem being that I want to go out and explore the world and cheap colleges don’t scream, “diverse student population” Oh well I suppose it’s a matter of taking a breather. I am told I do this thing were “you forget your are not going to die in a month.” In otherwords, I have my whole life to see the world. And take jobs in strange places, but still, it would be fun to get out of NY after this year, and then do college in DC, or Chicago, or LA, or something. I just need to work hard and kick some grade point average ass. That’s all for now. -joey
- posted by G @ 3:15 AM (0) comments