I broke up with VJ, not sure what else to write, got an overnight shift soon, i still carte for him, and he is so very very hot. Sigh, we are still friends I hope.
- posted by G @ 8:22 PM (0) comments

 
Okay, I will have to post this latter, right now I am in Dallas, waiting for my plane, it is 9:22 Am the flight leaves in an hour. Scary Ain’t it? I hate flying, loathe flying, despise it, but at the same time I recognize it as a necessity in my life. Anway lets play the catchup game. This where I describe my week. This was supposed to be my last big “hurrah!” before college, and, well it has been. wednesday I spent the night awake, took my car to Newark airport and caught a plane out to Oakland California to play with Wellequiped and his boy for a week. the night I got in, I was so exhausted when I arrived (did I mention I hate flying?). so I spent the day sleeping and chatting (no play). But then Thursday came around and we had packing to do, we were headed to an event known as Leather Levi weekend. But after packing Wellequiped and I played. We did chest flogging, which was intense, perhaps a little too intense for me but enjoyable none-the-less. It was my first time doing it and I think I did pretty good. Post flogging I gave head, and then we moved on to finish up packing. Wellequiped’s boy “d” came home from work and the lot of headed out to spend the night at their friends house. After that it was off to LLW, in Saratoga Springs, Me and WellEquiped did some regular flogging in the “dungeon” tent, which was strange in that I could here the screams of the man behind me. Then it was time for dinner and the introduction of people I would be playing with. That night I did three bondage event’s I did a light spanking scene as a bottom, and had some clothes pins attached to me. I then went on to play tie a man to a picnic table, which works extremely well for that purpose. Oh plane time! Okay I am back from the trip, now on a bus, then onto a train, then on my way to Dad E. I haven’t seen him ages so this will be good for clearing my head. So, after the picnic table I went to bed (it was about 1:30 am by then) Morning brought several more scenes, me and this boy named Dave, had gotten sorta friendly (friendly as people who met a day ago can be considered to be). So he consented to let me try fireplay with him that night, his “Dad” (Mike) and I arranged a barter system for his use. Anyway the morning I got pissed on a couple times. Once by Jim (who later flogged me) on the grass and shortly after by WellEquiped (tasted his) on my knees inside a bathroom stall at the camp. Latter I went with dave hiking and rimmed him on a dusty patch of land. I met up with another boy named Jose, we conspired to play that night (I clicked handcuffs on him, like a bracelet, to seal the deal). I also got spanked again, this time I had needles stuck through my cock and nipples, which was fun. But I bled a lot more than I expected. Which wasn’t too bad, just something I had to adjust for. The rest of the day was spent with WellEquiped or hanging out by the pool, until dinner. When WellEquiped put me and his boy in huge collars, then tethered us together and led us around on a leash. I hated it, I felt like this object, strangers felt the need, or right to grab it sucked, I guess moreover I am just not that type of boy. Though, the thought of being on a leash attached to Wellequiped is still not a bad one. After the larger collar was lifted I went off to play with Jose, and I did poorly, I had not budgeted enough time for him and my fire training. I rushed his scene and I am positive he did not have as good of time as he should have. Though, I count it as a lesson learned, it’s something I should have realized before I even consented to play with him. Fireplay happened next, the instructor was a pretty cool top who was a member of The hellfire club, and I checked around on him (beyond that Dave had recommended him), all were complimentary. It was a real I opener in that I saw just how complex play can be as a top. I am excited for a chance to do it again, but I must be careful to do in the right surroundings. Back from visitng Dad. E. On a sour note I apparently did not check thouroughly enough with the crew of the event, as fireplay turned out to be illegal for that area ( I know I am repeating previous posts at this point, but I wanted to get this out of my head). Anyway it sucked. I did more play after that, but non that bears a lot of mentioning, other than to say it was fun, but I am still having trouble losing myself. Dad E. thinks it’s that I haven’t found myself as a bottom, or rather I haven’t found my philosophy. Maybe so, if that’s the case I hope to find it soon enough. That’s all for now, home soon! Okay the Rest is not so important, I had a hot scene with everything Vj and I had a fight, and I played really with Pierced.
- posted by G @ 5:35 PM (0) comments

 
about the fireplay... it was really cool, when i wrote that it was stupid, I meant that we weren't allowed to. thats all.
- posted by G @ 4:19 PM (0) comments

 
Oh by the way, HI! To all the new folks who are reading this thing, thanks for the experience this weekend.
- posted by G @ 9:37 PM (0) comments

 
Burn out That’s what happened I guess. I am near something. This vast well (like the water kind) inside me is making me feel a little empty right now I guess. I am tired and worn from this weekend. So many cool things happened and I can’t figure out why I am now so low. I did play piercing (needles through skin), learned how to do fire play, got flogged, whipped, spanked, paddled, foot tortured, caned, pissed on. And tied a man to a tree (chest punching, water sports), tied a boy to a tabled (Nipple clamps, zipper, clothes pins), and talked with lesbian S/m’ers about their experiences. So, here is what I have found, I need a slow buildup, and I am into it more with someone I am attracted to physically and mentally that just one or the other (file that under duh). Fire play was stupid, I am good at it, but the camp doesn’t have the right to do it, though my teacher was a pretty cool big leather guy. Women are better at s/m than men. Sorry, I may be wrong, but I think it’s true, there is something about it that clicks. Not that it matters really, we all do what we can. But both communities could benefit from combining, rather than Gay and lesbian and straight, but kinky. It was cool, and I think I met my female counterpart. Wellequiped and his boy and I played, we did some flogging. I even tried some bisexual acts (tied up by a woman, chest punching and other stuff). I am just so…so confused. How can all these acts work? Where do I pick up? Where do I let if fall? I need to work on my topping, I can get the man I an with there, but making him feel good about the journey (“your so good, you can do it!”) is something I forget to do. Oh well, I am getting better, and I have learned how to pull this off, fuck age, I am pretty experienced, and pretty cute, and intelligent on occasion. Jesus, I got off the phone with VJ, it’s ending, or something. I hate this, I want to be normal. I mean, secretly I would take the kids and a wife option if I could. But I can’t and, I don’t want to waste time that could be reserved for fun, trying to achieve it. So, where does that leave me? I want to play more, I care deeply for VJ, but I want to play with other people, I am supremely young for my desires and what I am doing long play periods lead me to crash I am on the edge of a major burn out (from what I am told it’s the curse of the leather lifestyle) but I am okay with that coming. Sigh… it’s dumb, I am have so much shit going on, Work (overnighter!), college (sept. 1st!), and friends (brit is back home soon!) Reading over it all I guess it’s simply that I did too much, but I don’t feel that way. I want more, in every capacity of the word. Sigh, reality is coming, I can feel it. I guess, and I may regret writing this, but I guess I want not to give up control not to let myself go in a scene. But to have them taken from me after being with the right man for a long enough time. Is that romantic? Am I (my god) slowly coming around to the idea of dating a (heaven forbid) sadist? No, but I wouldn’t object to rougher play with a more steady group. And I guess I don’t mind how it works now (several people I care about, and tons of fun side trips). I look forward to this future, I am happy with present. So here I sit in a strange house. Typing a journal all the while thinking about how the dungeon is less than 5 feet. Contemplating whether or not my back has healed. Or if I could take it on the front (did that too). I am gonna nap I think, then talk to Sir Wellequiped about Neosporin, and flogging. I mean I do have another day. Maybe if I a heal tonight…. But I leave with this quote from a late night talk. I rarely toot my own quote, but whatever, I rock. “it’s not about tops or bottoms, it’s not about Sir’s or boy’s, or Men, or Sex, or Desire, or slaves, or Masters. It’s about you at the end of it, if you want to be good the other person and help them, great. But you’re the one who deals at the end of it. Don’t enter this place with the intention of finding yourself. Enter it with the intention of losing it, now, get on the table, hands to your side.”
- posted by G @ 9:23 PM (0) comments

 
Okay, so, i am in a Cb2000, visting WellEquiped He's hot, fun and nicely cruel. I want to cum. anyway, called VJ, we are gonna see eachother when i get back. He needs more, i am gonna try that (say it with me kids. "stupid emotional attachment). I boke out in acne b4 my trip here (do any other leather folk have to deal with acne?) but its all better now. I am gonna be flogged and if i take as much as he wants WellEquiped will let me cum! if not it may be awhile. So here is hoping! More over, this trip shold prove usefull in teaching me some new tricks (gonna learn to flog, or do fireplay if i can). off to be usefull, type when i get back home.
- posted by G @ 4:17 PM (0) comments

 
My lord! I am heading to the airport in half an hour Vj and I had a fight and it may be over. I see Dad E. when I get back This should be very, very fun. More on the return
- posted by G @ 3:01 AM (0) comments

 
Okay so 4:15 yesterday (Thursday) I find myself on the 6th floor of a nursing home when the alarms go off, the lights flicker and the elevators shut down. The only thing I can think is “shit, here’s the end”. With the backup power on someone flicked on the radio to find out all the powers out. I have been on shift since 11:00 am, and was supposed to do a 12 hour tour, so at 11:00 pm I am out. But when the city’s power goes off you can assume your doing some over time. Basically I wound up doing very little other than helping out the Fire Department guys. Mostly we drove around flashing our light on the dark streets. It was scary, like a scene from 28 days latter, just seeing all these people hanging outside some of them in fist fights, some just hanging out. We would pass by and all the eyes would look pissed, like our lights had disturbed some perfect moment nature. I worked 13 hours, slept for five then went on for another 6, all and all pretty good.
- posted by G @ 8:37 PM (0) comments

 
"Because we are also what we have lost" I shall not have a boyfriend for much longer, I am not a relationship person. Despite my love (god I hate that word) lets make it…what I feel for VJ, it’s just not going to work out with us. I will explain more latter. Tomorrow I will go into the whole other stuff that’s happened. More than anything I think we shall leave it as friends; at our core we want different things. Sigh it’s stupid, I knew that all relationships end, and tonight I found myself letting a couple tears fall, not bawling, just misty(stupid emotions). We have a plan for a movie tomorrow and a nap together. It’s so dumb, relationships are dumb. Ugh, maybe I am just no the “marrying type”. But then in the back of my head I think “but you like him this way” and, truth is, I do. I like him as my boyfriend, but I don’t want a boyfriend. If that makes any sense. Okay more on all this latter. Plus the whole “you drove an ambulance during a blackout in NYC, you must have some stories” thing.
- posted by G @ 2:47 AM (0) comments

 
ARGHHH, I loathe being cancelled on, but more then that, I hate being rescheduled. Cause then I feel a need to make the next occasion better. Tonight I had that happen with Axe. We had a good session Sunday, but the second part shall have to wait for Friday. So here is hoping, for a good time. I am aiming to see cute Red, soon cuase it has been too long since him and i hung out.
- posted by G @ 12:13 AM (0) comments

 
Wheelchairs, they could be used for kink, strap a man in one, and he would lose his legs for a weekend, you could even keep him that way in public, bind his arms and he would be totally helpless. Oh and i figured out housing, woohoo!
- posted by G @ 2:24 AM (0) comments

 
So, I met someone last night who I met years ago, when I was 16. He was 29 at the time and I kind of count him as my first s/m role model. Which is weird, but when I met him he was the only real s/m guy I knew. At the time a friend of mine knew him and introduced me by a fluke. The odd thing is that meeting him helped me to realize that I could be kinky and lead a relatively normal lifestyle. I mean he has this huge impact on my life in a matter of hours, and didn’t remember me at all, which makes sense, but it got me thinking… I wonder if I will ever have that effect. It’s strange to think that, a while back, someone mentioned they had heard of me from a friend. And this is someone who lives in Ohio hearing about me. I mean it was nothing more than “oh yeah, he said some 19 y/o was up and coming..” but it’s weird that I’m even thought of that way. Weird is all, but no one can predict how they effect another’s life. Anyway, I would on my knees behind the ghetto of a bar known as Chetty’s but had to head home cause Tim wasn’t having fun. There is a certain amount of pleasure in blowing one of your legends, and then finding he emailed you. Even if it kills the fantasy I had of him, I accept that reality is never less fun then the fantasy, but it has more restrictions. Mind you I just spent 6 hours w/ Vj, (so much fun to be with). So all is good either way, no matter how bad a scene it could be, I know he is there if I come limping back to him, and I plan to return to him. Whatever that means. On a weird note, my college waitlisted me for housing, so I may have my own apartment instead of a dorm room, which would be cool in a lot of ways. But I am kind of done with hanging out with adults. (the average age of my friends is 24) I want to be a kid again, or at least surrounded by more of my age group. Sigh, no real worries yet, if need be I can get a cheap place and just move out early, support myself during the summers with my EMS gig, and use my savings to deal with school. But I would get a better “college-y” experience by doing a dorm think. Like everything whichever happens it’s a matter of focusing on the pro’s and con’s of the situations.
- posted by G @ 3:13 AM (0) comments

 
Okay, so it’s been a bit Montreal was great! Me and Vj had an awesome time, the hotel over charged us so we had to budget for a bit, which was fun. We missed the parade, began introducing each-other as the other’s boyfriend. It was just very nice…oh and I fucked the hell out of him, he’s so hot, the way He bends the submissive/dominant rules is incredible. We also went vintage clothing shopping (thank you specs for the addiction). So much fun, we got hit on by all sorts of folks, but I was kind of enamored with him…though there was this one guy who I wouldn’t have minded if he watched. I left Conc (the 19y/o kinkster, conc=concur) a package at the hotel, so he picked it up and has my number, I figured it was a good way to test his reality. He passed so, woohoo! Then there was work and the police ticket (I never have gotten one despite being pulled over several times, so it was a quite a shock). I am learning that I may not be able to get away with everything, which sucks. Oh, and I am talking to another couple bottoms, but I really need to be flogged soon, so I am working on that, it’s a matter of finding the right burly top who desires the same. On a related note something hit me like a ton a bricks today, I am going to go back to school in less than a month. I won’t be able to take a week off for fun, I won’t have weekends in strange cities. I will be a poor college student, will I have to hide my dildoes from my roomy (well not hide, he will probably know, but at least put away). Or worse, what if he likes it, and then I have to hide them so he’s not using all my good lube, and rope? More over, what the hell is it gonna be like? Sigh, thoughts suck sometimes. Oh! And tonight I met Woofster, A super hottie, who I hope to see more of. I leave you with my new quote. “we’re all broken, and broken is sexy in it’s own way… that’s why the crack of an ass is so hot!”
- posted by G @ 11:46 PM (0) comments