What color is your rainbow?
I title my blogs before I start writing them or, even know what the hell I am going to be writing about. Which it why many of the titles don’t link up, but some do, and that’s called magic. These past 5 days have been so amazing, it really feels like I am growing into the boy they want me to be. Maybe it’s that we are getting comfortable with each other, able to anticipate who needs what, and what I can’t do. But, it really feels like I’m getting the hang of things. Like when someone buys (or makes) you a sweater that’s too big. So you throw it in the back of your closet, and one day you see it there, and try it on, and it fits perfectly. Like it was just waiting for you to come along. That’s what it feels like. Of course, this by no means says that I am perfect, nor that everything runs smoothly. There are little things that I forget, and some things that I didn’t get done. For instance, I keep forgetting to switch the bath tub nozzle back to “bath” after I take a shower. I kept sleeping in, not getting up first to make Sirs breakfast (I sleep so well there, that I am a rock sometimes). I melted a measuring cup, and broke a glass, and made Cous-Cous into something more like “Jell-O” than rice. Also, last night I was a bit off the walls (nervous about going home). However, I made some good chicken, kept the house clean, got my Sirs lunch made. I made sure that the laundry was picked up, and the dry cleaning. As well as helping out a friend of Sir and Daddybear’s with his computer. I drank Sirs piss twice, no complaint, and to be honest, I haven’t desired to complain. It’s asked of me, and I want to comply. I remember when I met them that I complained when He asked it of me; I coughed up half of it, feeling like I couldn’t swallow. Sir told me after that first time that I would ask for it, one day. I don’t think I’m there yet. I certainly don’t crave it the way that Bbro does. Yet, there is a part of me that realizes how much Sir likes that and, that part is more than willing. I just haven’t found that sweater yet. I also confessed to Them I still worry that They are going to go away, and I am still not sure why. Sir told me that I’m good for Him, and that felt really good, I like the idea of being helpful to Them. I just love Them, I really do. I love being with Them, being near Them, being Theirs’. It feels good, and I feel well. They keep telling me I’m a good person, and I’m a good boy, and that Their proud of me. I’m starting to believe it. I wish that everyone could have that experience. To meet some amazing people who really care about them. That anyone could understand the joy that subservience can bring. Or even the reverse, that everyone could understand the beauty of domination. Not the over-bearing asshole or wimpy geek, that are so often created as a parody of our relations. But the nurturing parent angle, the firm hand that pushes, and pries in an attempt to encourage. The teacher-student identity that we call Sir-boy. The mixture of respect, desire and love that forms such cohesive bonds. But I’m selfish. I want them all to myself, or at least as much of them as I can get. Maybe that just goes back to the whole worrying about them going away thing. Perhaps as I become more sure of my place I’ll stop feeling that way. And helping others really does bring them joy. It’s fun to see this road ahead, it’s a bit long, and clearly not smooth, but it’s mine to walk and that is exciting. Glad it’s not alone. Who are all those people?
- posted by G @ 6:58 PM