Miscellaneous thoughts
I've been with my Sirs a whole season. That’s kind of crazy, but definitely cool. Sometimes my life can feel very porn-like. 2 men who come into a young boy’s life take him in, teach him, show him, and of course play with him. Registering for classes SUCKS. Hopefully next year will be better, I will be a sophomore, and I will have really good grades, which means I will be able to register on the first or second day of registration. Therapy was insane yesterday. I am sort of reeling from it a bit and adjusting things in my head. He says that s/m is largely a healing a process. Which sort of goes with my theory that sex is a lot less about procreation than it is about feeling good. So lets face it, I have a terrible relationship with my parents. Not placing blame on either party, but it’s there. So, I seek out father figures when I pick a bed to lay in. And in turn, father figures seek boys like me out for the same idea. Healing. My therapist calls it my psyches desire to fix the childhood. In a way, I am re-creating it. So…that should suck right? Well… no. It’s apparently healthy (note the absence of normal). And more over, it’s working out. Now, let me be clear. It’s wierding as all fuck to hear “your picking father figures because of your relationship with your own” but it’s deal-able. More over, my therapist says that a lot of people my age hate being uncertain. He says I might consider asking myself why it matters. I’m noticing I have this worry, this consistent, minor, worry that I’ll regret all this. Not in a way that this is bad…in the way that this might one day haunt me. He says I should learn to give myself permission to be wrong. But I don’t want to ever regret this. See, it’s not totally porn like…Mr. Benson’s boy never went to therapy.
- posted by G @ 11:47 AM