FlogThrob
Sigh, Dreamy men make me weak. The scene with Flogthrob was amazing. Just amazing, and we play again today. I wish I could have blogged about it but I have been in the middle of midterms and just saw the head of my financial crisis. So lets analyze the scene, Kissing, we were kissing. A lot of kissing. Bondage, not a lot, but I was secured. Flogging, I love the flogger Head, rimming, jerk off. It was passion, I cried as he flogged me, he stopped, came over…I begged him not to stop just yet. And it felt great. After a little single tailing he undid my arms and we fell into kissing, and then into blowjobs, and then we came. It moved me. Does that make sense? I feel like I can’t describe it right. It was/is this heaping mass of joy. I feel a little worried I might jinx it by playing with him again. But I am going to risk it. Daddybear approved. But I know why it was so good, I know why I am doing so well. It’s my Sirs. I feel like I am better, in general I mean. More focused on school, more focused in life. They offer structure when everything seems so out of control. They never make things seem simple, but they make them feel do-able. And I miss seeing them…it’s been almost two weeks and I am going through withdrawal. But I keep finding this appreciation for them. And at the same time there is this acknowledgement that I do a lot of it for myself. But I think I am different now…different then I was 3 months. Anyway, I am going to be going through a financial crisis soon I think. I may have to move back home to save on college costs. As opposed to living in the city. It all depends on how much I can get in loans. It sucks when your parents won’t put out. Apparently, my education falls second to a fresh coat of yellow on their lovely home. I mean, I get it. I made an error with college, and up until meeting my Sirs, I was about to make another (running off to another school). So I can understand their view point of feeling like maybe I’m not worth the 70,000 to pay for school. But here is my thought on the matter. “fuck you” It’s childish, but come on, you’re a fucking a lawyer, and a for an accounting firm no less. You worked 12 hour days when I was a child, your lack of emotional support means you owe me cash. So dip into the retirement fund, put off the new car, give up a vacation, ask my mother to take up a part time office job, and PAY MY WAY for 3 more years. Rant over. Realistically, my parents may be in debt up to their eyeballs, my sisters college, my brothers college, my sisters wedding, my little brothers bar mitzvah, my boarding school, my bar mitzvah, my older brothers bar mitzvah, my older sisters bat mitzvah all in a span of 9 years. And combined with the various car accidents we have all been in: My brother jumped a brick wall at 50 miles an hour (I bruised a lung), I totaled the minivan, My sister crashed the station wagon, my mother crashed the Volvo, I crashed the sedan, I crashed the sedan, I crashed the sedan again, and then I crashed the new station wagon… Well, you can see how there might be money issues. But what irks me is that my father won’t tell me any of this in detail. It’s always something like “money’s tight.” Which, would be fine, if I didn’t need a cosigner. You see, I don’t qualify for any financial aide as my family exists in one of the higher tax brackets. And I cannot file as independent on the FAFSA forms until I am 23 and/or married (to a woman). So I have to report my parents earnings either way. which means no money for Me. And Private loans won’t accept me unless I make 18k a year (which, if I made…why would I be applying for loans??). It all just seems so hopeless right now. But I feel like something exists. It’s just a matter of lowering my standards. Or maybe applying for new scholarships, or working 30 hours a week and switching pace to a night school. This weekend I see my parents, we shall be discussing money. You can tell your family is rich if discussing money is a big deal I think. In my family’s case, discussing money means the use of charts, and that my father looks nervous (like one of those swiss-bankers who has his hands in holocaust bank account). Sorry, I’m kind of bitter right now. Got a note from the financial aide office telling me of the many options for money that exist for those kids who have parents willing to part with a signature or two. I guess the whole thing irks me on this level. Like, what’s wrong with me that all these other kids have parents who will do this? And how come Mia’s parents bend over backwards to put her through college and mine won’t sacrifice things? And then I feel like I have to be missing something, but in my head it all adds up to an error somewhere. It’s weird though, right now, my parents are my best reference it seems. So I am hoping for the best this Sunday (my birthday!) cake, money, and number crunching. Sounds good. I’m putting all these thoughts out onto this thing because I want to be sure that I don’t put it out on them. Relationships with parents (my parents) work best when I suppress all emotion and just go based on the facts I know. Meanwhile, my little brother keeps IMing me, just to say hello…it’s strange. So he and I are going to see a movie Sunday, also. HELLBOY. Yeah, violence. I totally get to play cool older brother who takes younger brother to a bloody violent movie. Sir and Daddybear say we will discuss it during my next visit and come up with a plan. Meanwhile I was so busy freaking out over Midterms and such this past week, I missed two really hot comments from Sir and Daddybear. “He’s dealing with our property, he has to tell you” “Don’t forget who owns you” Sigh, yeah, dreamy, men make me weak. I know I’m technically Theirs yet, but a boy can enjoy the thought (get hard over it too). Flogthrob tonight! Drinking too (post play) Conc’s party Friday Meet Specs at the eagle Saturday to catch up (I have people I can play catch up with!) Birthday with the rents come Sunday, Mia and Sue want to take me out after. Yeah. Life is good…and I know who’s property I am.
- posted by G @ 11:59 PM