Muddled
Damn it. I just screwed up a speech. I got up in front of the class and began…then I choked. It was strange, I consider myself a confident person. And lord knows I talk enough. But…I got all flustered. I wrote out too much of my speech and I wanted to discuss things off topics. Ugh. Gag me with a spoon. My teacher informed me that I did okay, and there is no grade for it. He just wanted to see “where I am at.” Sigh…. Oh well, next time, I use flash cards. So, a couple of amazing things have happened recently. I have had the amazing luck of getting to chat with a man I shall be calling “Wise Old Owl” (thank you Special K for the nickname) or WOO for short. Wise Old Owl is an incredible person, I am not going to go into detail, but suffice to say, he is just super smart, really caring, and a great leather man. A couple weeks ago Special K gave me his E-mail because I wanted to ask a couple questions to him. I was assuming we would just e-mail, but he offered to call me! I am such a teenage girl with stuff like that. This is a man I have an incredible amount of respect for. So talking with him, I think every other word was something like “thank you, thank you.” But he cleared some things up for me. I’ve been worried about making my life more leather-centric. But he kind of pointed out (as everyone else has) I’m going to be into it for a while. So why be friends with people who make me feel bad about it? More over, the chat just kind of made me feel okay about all this. I would go into it with more specifics, but I want to preserve anonymity. He is SO FUCKING COOL! Sigh… But back to me slowly losing my mind… I haven’t left the dorms all week, My school is connected so that I don’t have to go outside. And since I am grounded. I haven’t. I want to cry, and beg. I want to call my Sirs, and beg on the phone. I don’t think it would work, so I am avoiding it (Sort of). But some big stuff has happened since my freeing decision. Me and Sue were watching TV yesterday. as we did so began explaining to me how she enjoyed the thought of Militant dykes controlling here life. The kid next door finding my copy of “Ties that bind” and asking to borrow it. My door mates watching the ninja turtle movie while wearing ninja masks made from their T-shirts Spelling “whore” on a scrabble board However, my main realization this week has been this: I haven’t given head to anyone in NYC for the past 3 weeks. OH MY GOD!!!!! That’s insane. That’s totally crazy. That’s not like me at all. So I have been concentrating on being good this week. Working very hard, not just because I love my Sirs and want to make them proud. But now, because I want to be a good boy, and good boys get to give head. Right? That’s a good boy credo I hope. “Good boys get to give head” Make a T-shirt, send me a check. Speaking of checks I got yelled at. And have decided to drop a policy of mine. For the most part I don’t (didn’t) let people pay for me. I tried that with coffee from the school cafeteria. This friend of mine used her card to pay for me, I objected. She shot me the look of death (the scowl). Sitting down she explained her feelings “When people pull that crap with me, it makes me feel like they don’t appreciate it. And I think that’s how most people feel like. I wanted to by you coffee, see you enjoy coffee, so get over it” I called her a Nazi, and sipped my coffee (it’s coffee, tasty sweet, caffeine soaked coffee) But she does make a valid point. To use Sir’s term it’s kind of “spoiled.” So I am going to give it. You wanna pay for me, go for it. With small things anyway I WANNA GO OUT!
- posted by G @ 4:21 PM