drip drop
I took the collar off today, not cause I am done with my Sirs or nothing. Just that the dorm folk were (are) a little iffy about me. It’s strange, even having it off I got a lot friendlier talks, better looks. I would love to comment on how this is some kind of indication about people. Or how it sucks that people are so shallow…But then I think…they’re teens. What the hell do you expect? Remember high schooll, well they were there last year. And as much as S/m is discussed in popular media. The persistent idea is that it’s for freaks. Sigh….you don’t go to business school to make friends, you do it to make connections. And I have people who know what the collar means, accept why I wear it. But…they don’t embrace it. I feel like I am on the cusp of all this stuff, dancing around the edge of the pool. Deciding to sunbath with my cronies or get wet the way I want to. It’s pathetic. Wear the collar, get over the people who judge you. That’s the advice right? Well, I can’t. I like being invited to the cool parties, I like hanging out with the popular kids. I like the Abercrombie Kids. Meanwile I miss it. It’s been gone for like 5 hours max and I miss it. I wish I had a smaller one, something that was underneath it. Or a tattoo!!! That would be cool, like a temporary one, cause scarring my flesh after a month is insane. Though a little star somewhere might be cool. Anyway, I told Sir, and he told me he was disappointed. That sucked. It brought me down. I already felt bad about doing it. But hearing him say it just sucked… I want to be a person who that stuff doesn’t phase, who can just wear the fucking collar. But it does, it affects me. I guess it affects me because I judge people like that too. And I probably shouldn’t. truth is, I’m lonely for understanding. I should probably start hanging around with people who embrace the collar, and the meaning behind it, move beyond the childish desire to just hang with the cool group, and hang out with the group that with accept me for who I am. But that requires me to accept me for who I am. And that hasn’t come just yet. So for now I dance around the edge. I’ll get a little sun, and make sure my knees are wet. But I’m gonna cannonball soon. Just not sure who will be looking when I do. Oh! And there is this guy online I am chatting with, He gets back to the city on the 17th, so I can plan a punching scene. I have not been as sluty with the locals this semester, and perhaps that is part of the reason that I am obsessing over all this (fucked up, no?). Though I am not allowed to cum at the moment so the point is moot, I need to make some decisions. Splash me, I want to be wet.
- posted by G @ 12:38 AM