Giving it up
I am on the bus, riding home. Well, not home, but to my parent’s house. I am leaving Boston, but I’ll be back. Parts of this feel like it’s moving so fast. Other parts of it feel like they are moving to slow. But I think the whole thing is moving toward equilibrium. Meanwhile, the rest of my life is so up in the air. I was in Brooklyn on Friday night, for work. My partner was telling me how excited he was to be moving to Miami. We were talking Real-estate, how cheap Miami was in comparison to NYC. I kept looking around at all the houses in Brooklyn, and getting kind of depressed about the idea of living there. But Brooklyn is what I could afford if I stay in NYC. There is so much to do, but there is a lot of time to do it in. I have a lot of choices to make. First comes school, then comes housing, and then comes the loans and how I plan to afford things. I am excited for the Chicago trip, if only so I can have some definitiveness to my choices. If I don’t like Chicago, then I can focus on Manhattan (which seems to be my direction anyway). I have some play lined up for Chicago. And a fair amount of coffee, as well as the usual college interviews. Though my head isn’t thinking about those things at the moment, my mind is still in Sir and Daddybear’s bed. Last night, Daddybear paddled me. It was great. He was slow at first, starting out with his hands. Moving on to a wooden paddle, then some other things. I was blindfolded and mummified so I am not sure of a lot of it. But sometimes Daddybear would stop, and rub his forehead on my ass, so I could feel the sweat beads on it. It went on for I think about 30-45 minutes. I was high on the endorphins at the end of it. Then he held me, called me good boy. At some point during the scene, I cried a little. Not the huge sobs like when Sir flogged me…but one or two tears streamed down my face. Tears of joy I think…it was such a good scene, I took a lot, and it ended well. Meanwhile Sir had another boy he has been playing with teach me how to do boots. He and Daddybear tell me I am not in competition, and in truth, I know we aren’t. However, I tend to be a competitive person, and I want to do better than him. I know it’s not the best thought to have, but I can’t really help it. I don’t even know that I could do better than him, he know more than me, has more skills, can take more. More so, Sir and Daddybear aren’t going to be measuring us against each other. So why feel competitive? Not sure, but I do, something to work on I suppose. And there you have it, I will spend MAL in Sir and Daddybears room. They are going to introduce me to a lot of people. Introduce me as theirs, it’s a nice thought. This bus is getting bouncy. I am going to zone out.
- posted by G @ 3:18 PM