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There are two things I hate to do. One: admit I made a mistake. Two: admit I can?t do something. So I am up in Boston, next to Sir, he is playing a video game. Daddybear is reading some papers for work in the bed room. It?s quiet. I?m liking it. This week I screwed up royally. I forgot to do some assignments from Sir and Daddybear. I forgot to wear boots. I forgot to call them when I went and played with Hoss. DAMN! But why?! Why did I forget so much? A combo of things. 1) I didn?t get into the art class (I could get into it, tried everything) 2) I made a mistake with my scheduling. I put most of my classes as night courses. And, my meds don?t work at night. 3) I couldn?t be the god father I wanted to be at my brothers bar mitzvah. 4) I think I made a mistake pulling away from my mother?s side of the family. That has all been in my head. But the big thing is?I have this feeling that won?t die. I feel like I have no clue. That?s it. All this clarity I like to have has slowly been fading, which is more or less a good thing. Disillusionment sucks, but it serves a much greater purpose. That is to say: I think I am being more real. Off to be flogged! Second time by Sir. No kisses after ( I haven?t earned them), well maybe there will be kisses?butt he has told me there won?t be. A boy can hope. This place feels like home.
- posted by G @ 9:43 PM