You Fucking slut
I want control of my penis. Who remembers this Post? Tonight, I am out at the eagle (TMP was a moderate failure, gonna have to re-vamp). Red and I are chatting and we decide to go out the back door so I can watch him smoke. I run into TCO’s partner (the one who prevented my further interactions with TCO), and I am waiting for it to be awkward. It’s not. He shows me this huge fucking smile, calls me over. “We’ve been chatting about you, Dan is here, you should go say hi” We talk a bit longer, I lick him (I HAVEN’T CUM IN 15 DAYS). We kiss a little and he goes inside. I finish my chatter with Red, essentially I have decided that the leather community in NYC is so fucked up not because of the bar (that is a factor), or the lack cheap play space (that is a factor), but because of the leather community. People here are not making the effort. We all bitch about the eagle being a twink bar, and how they look at us (okay I don’t wear leather, and twinks like me, but still). So that is the excuse for us not using the eagle. Well here is the truth, A LEATHER COMMUNITY TAKE EFFORT. It takes stares, insults, awkward moments. It takes putting yourself out there, it means going out to the leather bar, it means showing up to events. It means you take new people under your wing if you need to. It means you offer your time up for things at the bar. It means you don’t stare down the guy who checks you out, no matter what he is wearing. That’s what it means. Yes, the eagle is full of twinks, and they don’t like you in leather, and they don’t like bears. Well, your into S/m, not everyone will like you, get over it. Go out to the fucking bar, it’s all we got. And show up in boots and t-shirt, just show up. And you know what? You want to make the bar really great? Show up early, call your friends, ask them to come out. Grab a section when it’s early. Introduce yourself to anyone else who looks to be in the know. This is your leather community, you make it what you want. Are you doing your part? We are leathermen for Christ sakes, your going to let what a twink thinks of you in your leather deter you from having a good night? This goes for every community, sacrifice one night a week and go to the bar for at least an hour, long enough to buy a drink. Money talks, know that, if they can make steady money off of a leather clientele, than they will do their best to keep that. But back to my night, so Red and I head inside the eagle. TCO is there, he smiles, I smile. I stand next to Red, make him work for me (not it’s not submissive, but, I Haven’t cum for 15 DAYS). He does, boldly, grabs me, kisses me, full tongue, like he is trying to taste my stomach. Damn, I hate how easy it is to turn me on. In less than 10 seconds he is crushing my balls, and offering to take me home. But a couple things he did irked me. He says “you will make a great slave.” This is sort of insulting to slaves, but more so shows a lack of respect for self definition. I am a boy, with all my submission and acts; I get to define what I am, no one else. But again ( and I can’t stress this enough) I haven’t cum in 15 days. So I play along, and man it’s working. He is kissing me, telling me how he plans to shave me (not my bag other than it’s a control thing). He tells me how I would sleep on the floor, wake him with blowjobs (no one explains how I am supposed to get up before them). I would make breakfast, take piss, greet him when he got home. I am getting really turned on…then it hits me… I have had this weekend, I am going to have this weekend again, with men who I really want to have this weekend with. So I stop kissing TCO for a minute. “I leave for home tomorrow, but why don’t you e-mail me, and we can meet up when I get back” I don’t go home with him, I don’t have plans to see him, I am happy with that decision. Scary, but what the hell? I can afford to postpone things, and reject things, I get to be picky. So then something odd happens, TCO and his partner leave…I head upstairs to see if I know anyone. I catch the eye of this tattooed shirtless guy. I don’t care what you look like, shirtless is sexy, it’s confident. So I walk over… and I get the feeling I know him. Or have seen him. I say so…he has the same feeling. We go through the spiel… “internet?” nope. “friends?” nope. Then it hits me Daddybear and Sir introduced me. Shit. I know his past, his lover died about 2 weeks ago (from cancer). I can’t move my lips for a second. I sputter, oh, um I was up to see ___ and ____ ( I use their names). He clicks… “oh hey! Good to see you” I tell him I am sorry about his loss. We chat more, I offer to buy him and his friend a drink. Death hovers, it’s what death does. I am so afraid (terrified) of people who have experienced it recently. I am just so awkward around it. Not due to lack of experience, but my coping mechanism is humor. So I am always worried I will just shoot my mouth off, and say something horrible. But I don’t, we just talk. It’s nice, its borderline sexual. He gives me his number, tells me to look for him at MAL. I tell him about GMSMA’s event at the eagle on Saturday. He tells me to call and maybe he will come. So I want to control my penis, not the cuming (I like that Daddybear and Sir have that at the moment). But what gets it hot, what gets me hot. It’s futile really, but it would be nice to have an off switch. Up in the AM night all!
- posted by G @ 3:49 AM