Pain
But...there are a couple caveats. there are two types of boys I hate more than anything. The "Always owned" boy (AO), and the "Can if I like it" boy (cili). An AO boy ia a boy that always seems to be with a Dom. Not as fun plaything, but always as that dom's boy. It's never the same dom, always a rotation. Frequently you will hear "i thought he was with ____" and then someone will respond "not anymore it seems." This type of boy never fully explores any relationship, but he always is in one. Jumping from one man to the next. And jumping is fine with me, but ownership is sort of like anouncing a person as your boyfriend. It means something, and you have to think about what that means. And want to clarify, i am not talking about a boy who say...goes to MAL and wears 15 different collars from 15 different tops he services throughout the trip, thats fine with me. I am refering stricktly to a boy who jumps from one "relationship" to the next labeling each as such. It just irks me when people do that, it demeans those people that care about eachother. A hookup is a hookup, a hookup you like a lot and want to date is a man you are dating. Thats why i get irked with these quicky realtionships, and it's what i want to avoid doing with Sir and Daddybear. I like them a lot, and really want to explore the possibilities of what is out there, but...i don't want to be that guy who does the quick relationship. The Cili (pronounced Silly) boy, is a boy who is a good boy only when it benefits him. Specifically, this boy, is a boy in name sake only. He's not very submissive, he likes play, and can do some basic submissive acts. He is, ultimately, selfish. He only does a scene the way he wants to, he doesn't help with the cleanup afterwards. He does little to prove himself beyond the playing, he shows little affection towards his Sir and he mopes. Again, I don't mind a guy who says "yeah, i like to be flogged, but don't expect me to call you Sir after." I like guys like that (mind you i don't want to flog them, i want to blow them). I don't mind a boy who doesn't like being submissive, that is fine with me. What i mind are those boys who are owned boys, who carry thier collar around like it is some noose. Who don't get a joy out of the submissive aspects of their choosen relationship. And thats just it, a Cili boy isn't a bad boy, he's just a boy who hasn't figured out what he wants. So he is stuck with stuff he is not sure he want's and doesn't get joy out of. My word of advice on this is simple. Submission isn't something that starts in the bedroom. You should like submitting to the other stuff first. And this is what worries me, i have liked the cum control that i have been on, and using the plug repeatedly to get myself prepped for what finally happened last night (yippity yahoo amazing). I like the cock cage when i am here. Doing those things under Sir and Daddybear's orders make me hard. And non sexually, i like vacuming, i like attempting to cook, and i like cleaning. Not in general, but doing that for Sir and Daddybear. They don't get me hard, but it pleases me. However, with cum control and the cockcage, and with the plug. They have a purpose to me. The plug was used to get me ready for Sir and Daddybear. The cockcage keep me from cumming when i am around them, to remind me of my place too. and the cum control is too keep me from becoming to greedy. And that is where my submission takes a bit of a dive. I hate the plug, i just do, the only thing my hole really needs to be widened for is Sir and Daddybears cocks. Having accomplished it, i don't want to keep using the plug, i won't be able to find joy in it. i will continue if that is required, but just the act of the plug isn't hot to me. Cum control. Okay, i have chastity fantasies. Last night Sir and Daddybear fucked me. I was in the the cage, and just there as a use for their pleasure (doesn't that sound like cheap porno?). It was hot, and that thought gave me my pleasure, getting fucked by Daddybear as Sir whispered "put out." Yeah it's hot. But i like masturbating, and i don't like the idea of going weeks without cumming. I have just finished some weeks without cumming, and i can do it. I am willing to do it, but it feels more like a punishment than anything. So where does that leave me? why write all that out? Well, a person once said to me "submission is just doing the things you like and adding 'yes SIR!' onto it" so...am I a cili boy? again, much has to be discussed.
- posted by G @ 1:57 PM