Hollow 1.
Okay so today I went back home from college. My father picked me up, drove me home. We had a nice discussion, and then he drops a small bombshell. “You are poor.” At first I thought he meant he lost his job or something awful like that. No, no, not my father. Basically, they (my parents) decided to cut my funding next year. Not totally mind you, but in a big way. They won’t be doing the following: Co-signing any loans Paying for apartments, nor living expenses. Using any of their money to pay for my college. So yeah, that sucks. It’s was sort of what I was expecting. The kicker is what caused my minor tailspin freak-out. It’s that, they don’t plan to help at all. That’s the part he went over. Up until this point when it came to college funding, I was getting it all from my left over college fund. However, my thinking was always that I would be able to borrow the rest from my parents as opposed to the bank. Or that they would cosign so I would get a better rate, you know, something. No, it’s all on me. But isn’t that what I wanted? Isn’t that what I keep screaming about? “I want to be independent; I want to be self made!” So then I have it happen and I freak out. Funny. But it’s more then that, my parents have money. They have this ability, these connections. It would be nice to know that if I needed them, I could have them. Nope. So, this throws my Chicago plan off, sort of. I am just not sure at the moment, and every part of me wants it fixed, now. But it’s not so bad. Lots of people go to college with the aid of loans. Lots of kids can’t move out of their home state until they get older. I just didn’t think I was lots of kids. Stupid, isn’t it? We all want to think we are unique, and original. We like to think our problems are unique to us only. It’s not true, this blog has taught me that, but I seem to need refreshers now and then. The more I think about it all, in real terms, the more I realize how okay this could be and is. I need to think more about Chicago, I am still going to take the trip, and see where it takes me. I don’t think I will be staying at Pace either way. But here we go. Okay, so originally I was going to use this space to write out my relationship with my father. But I figured it out. It’s simple. He treats me like I am thirty, that’s it. I think one day he got up and decided I was too old to be a child anymore. I think I have been trying to be thirty because of it. I think I am not ready to be thirty. I think that’s okay. Is it me, or does that thought seem huge?
- posted by G @ 3:03 AM