fuck me.
I am in well over my head i think. This is a turn on. Sir told me that crying wouldn't end the scene. I have never cried in a scene. but i am spending Thursday to Sunday as a boy. I will be totally submissive. This might snap me. What if i say something stupid? What if i do something foolish? What if i hate it? Worse What if i really like it? It sucks being a boy, i couldn't cum, there would be permission to ask. Play would be limited. But then i read over my blog...and truthfully. it may be what i need. I get hot at the idea of a firm hand on me, "you can't cum unless you get an A" "you can't fuck him you played yesterday" "oh sure, you can use my boy" "clean the boots, then i will fuck you" "no boy, you can't cum tonight" "you were such a good boy tonight, you impressed Sir" "beg for it boy" “the scene ends when I decide, not when you decide” “Sure you can top him boy, but you just remember who let you” “your mine (ours) boy” These are a mere sample of the many phrases that would frustrate and turn me on. Frus-turn me Yeah, i want it, i want it hardcore. I have always wanted it, hoped for it. It's happening, i am going to experience it. I told him i didn't like drinking piss, he told me anything that is not a limit, he will decide if i do something or not. And promised I would be drinking a lot of "hot, steaming piss" Not that there aren’t barriers. I mean as far as boy goes, I am honest, intelligent, good with pain, and I am sometimes caring. But, I am not amazing with s/m, I tend to have a disrespectful streak, I am not a background person, I like talking, I am very much independent. I like playing around a lot. And for me, long term cum denial means a week. So, where does that put me? It puts me where I am I guess. I am exploring. I hope this weekend brings me insights. I hope I don’t crush on them. I hope if I do they crush on me a little too. I hope I impress. I hope I get at least one answer with all the inevitable questions. Please future Sir, be gentle, the flesh is strong and willing, the mind is sharp...but the heart is weak and malformed at times.
- posted by G @ 2:36 AM