My family
Me, and My family: Holy shit! My brother is 12. my Chicago trip had to be rescheduled because he is having his bar mitzvah on that date. Jan 8-11 I am in chi town. Fun, fun, fun, and crying if I fail to make it to this school (depaul). But back to main part: Whats the deal with me and my family? The stock answer is: I am not close with them. And that’s true, but there is more to it. My father likes working, he likes being a senior executive blah. My mother, likes being a home maker. Most of their relationship seems to be an effort of traditional values, and modern ideology. I never really became close with my father, we didn’t talk much during my youth. Same with my mother, she had my older brother and sister to deal with. I was rambunctious, but harmless. So she didn’t have to mind me much. Plus, the addition of my younger brother when I was 7 didn’t help. Later (when I was 5) I was diagnosed with ADHD, the pills kept me quiet (I loathe the rememberance that 13 of my 19 years I have been on stimulants). I never loved them, but until 14 I didn’t hate them either. There was just this feeling of ambivalence. Then I went through the normal teenage stuff. I remember flipping out on my mother for saying that she wouldn’t let me to a party if she knew there would be drinking. Screaming “who cares if it’s illegal? Why don’t you care if it’s fun?” Yeah, I was rambunctious. So, then I got sent off to boarding school (14 still), and up until that point I always thought that my family was normal. Dad came home at 9:00 pm, mom stayed home. At that point came to the conclusion that we weren’t, we don’t function like one. The stern family functions like a corporation. We all sort of function without the community feeling. My brother lived across the hall from me for 5 years, we spoke maybe 3 times a week. Since he moved to Florida (last year) I have lost his number and spoken with him maybe twice on aol IM (one of them is posted). My mother and I speak maybe once a month about college funding. I spoke with my father the for the first time in about 2 months tonight (since I am home). My Sister and I don’t talk at all unless she is throwing a party or needs me to chip in on a gift for the rents (I don’t know their birthdays, she compensates). And I forget I have a younger brother sometimes. I am not close to my family. But I call Alli ( a friend) at least 3 times a month, chat with her on aol IM, and plan to see her on college breaks, cause I miss her ( I also know her birthday). I know what it is about this holiday that upsets me. WE ARE NOT A FAMILY. Okay, a bit dramatic. We are, there is blood, and worrries, and I am the spitting image of my grandfather, and I act like my father a lot. But, I barely know any of them, and I don’t really want to. I always want to be elsewhere. The conversation is lacking on my turkey day. But post food? I get to see alli, and hobnob with Lindsey, and see Alley (yeah, I was friends with a lot of girls in highschool, shut up.). plus I get to convince LUKE SHERMAN (my straight highschool crush) to hangout. So, to answer yesterday’s question? What makes me go into turbo slut mode? Longing, plain and simple. I have to spend this week with stranger, and all I want is that feeling of a human connection. I get that feeling when I am on me knees. Or some trippy daddy complex, one of those two. -joey :
- posted by G @ 4:38 AM