missed it
I missed seeing specs, damn it. I don’t so much want to see him, as I want him to see me. I slept late, I like to think I wanted to miss seeing him, wanted him to call me and say “hey we still on?” wanted to be the one to say “no, we aren’t” I want him to be the one to want me. It’s not going to happen. Ever. So I am not going to do the scene with him. I am not going to try to see him at MAL, I am going to get release from my promise. And then I am going to give up, let it fall apart, let myself not catch it. Relationship Verte, that’s what I will practice. No, I won’t, I need closure. I need him to see me, to see the change, then move on. On to fun crap! Me and my mother talked about me, really talked. I spoke, then she spoke, we laughed a little, then we spoke more. It normaly goes: one of us speaks, other yells, door slam. The main points where basically: I worry about you, suicide, HIV, and My Father. My mother worries about me: she thinks I will get myself killed, or others “don’t underestimate you ADHD (my mother would keep me drugged at all times if she could” Suicide: Some kid tried killed himself, my mother discussed how she worries about her nephew BJ. HIV: “it’s up in gay men” It’s always up in gay men. I blame the media for making it seem noble to have, for doing the double standard of “it’s not a death sentence.” Then wondering why people don’t fear it. The tag line should be “it’s a death sentence, but a long drawn out one.” And I know some HIV victims, I know the precautions. But knowing the victims has made me understand it better. My Father: “You are a lot like him, I think that’s why you don’t get along” I agree, but I like to think that I am WAAAAAY cuter than him. GarChomp wrote me an e-mail saying he wants to hold me. Things a looking up. Last night I was out from 3 to 9 am, seeing an old friend, “the heiress” Heiress drove around as we talked about life. I felt human, it was nice. I don’t feel like I missed out on seeing Specs, I feel like I delayed an eventuality. Matter of time kiddo, matter of time. Sex Sunday and Monday (can’t wait for Monday, can’t wait for Sunday) And Control on SATURDAY! Woohoo!
- posted by G @ 5:10 PM