AHHHH, i want it now!
I am moving, I am going to go to Chicago, tomorrow! No, it’s not true. But damn, it feels so fucking good to say. I can’t be here anymore it feels, I need new. I like the school on paper, and I am sure I could etch out a life there. Enough of my leather-friends go to IML every year for me to see them. And I would go home during the summers. So I would still interact with my home friends (at least until I got a place, like senior year) But, I could also go to Chicago (January 21-23), wind up hating the place and go home sniveling. Snag a cheap place in Brooklyn, and go to Baruch college. But I don’t want that, I want to like Chicago, not love, but like. I want to feel cozy there, then I want to come home, and plan my escape from NYC. I don’t know, I have had this feeling once before, where there was no reason to go, but no reason to stay. I was 16, and in private school. The town was Ashburnham MA, So boring you could cry, the education was good, I would go to Harvard or Princeton, guaranteed. But I had to be closeted, not be myself, and I didn’t want to be a spoiled rich kid anymore. So I fled, and went to public school (best decision I made). It was the first time I really felt like me, I mean, I gave up on the closeness of my old high school, but in the new one I got to just do what I wanted. I got to wear t-shirts (instead of polo) and jeans (only kahkis at the old one). But, I felt like ME, which was so worth it, and always will be. So, then I am here in nyc, going to school after year off. Feeling sort of together, but a little off. So I chat with Sir DJR, and wind up spilling my guts (something I avoid), and then I realize something, the person who is the most critical of my emotions, is me (with Sir’s help). And I am so nervous to meet Sir and Daddybear because I think I have potential to care about them, and that always make me nervous. So, I will tell all about the boy I tied up and beat after 12 days of him not Cumming, and how online I am hoping to meet some new tops, but not tonight. I am sleepy and need to re-evaluate.
- posted by G @ 1:44 AM