WOOOOOooooHHHHooooooOooooOooooo Why? Jeez, I don’t know, call me mr. Peaks and Valleys. Call me mr. can’t read his emotions. Call me Mr. Possibly Bi-polar (not really). But for whatever reason, I am happy, let me tell you why I think that is. I had a good night, I went out to club with some friends, it was nice to hang with people my age. BUT! The big thing isn’t the hanging out. It was the seeing life on the greener side. As much as I may explore s/m, I am still not comfortable with it. I always wonder how much easier my life would be as a vanilla shake. Shave the beard, buy some AnF, or Express, or T, and hit the clubs. Well I did that ,and I liked it, but then we leave, and as we are walking back talking about our lives, the drama starts. “I like him, he’s cute, why’d you kiss him” all that shit that comes from lack of communication. “I danced with him because he looked hot, but I came back with you cause I wanted too.” I don’t know I am sorta rambling, but here is how I see it as fucked up and crazy, and loony I feel/am… I have net. I am not tap dancing without instructions, nor diving blindly anymore. Tonight I realized how the “normal” gay cultural ideal works. You get thrown in young, get used and beaten, then figure it out on your own. They worship the idols of youth, and no one’s ever perfect. Prime example! “hey your hot.” “no, I am not, I’ve got love handles.” It was weird at first, I remembered it from my past how the conversations were supposed to go, but I lacked the desire for it. So I spent the night grinding with my friend, and the occasional admirer. I don’t know where I am, or if I will go again, but, like BikerM told me “you got a leather family here.” No worries, I got something to fall back on. Tommorow I do fire play, TMP is going okay, we shall see if it works
- posted by G @ 4:17 AM