A thought just hit me like a brick. I don’t want a collar, I don’t want a relationship. I don’t want friends. I don’t really want anything. I don’t want sex, I don’t want love. I don’t want heaven, I don’t want hell. Sorry this is getting way too poem like. I want a home. That’s all, it’s been about 7 years since I had a place that was mine. I had my room when I was 12, then I got shipped off to boarding school. So I knew that the room I lived in during the year was not mine. The one I lived in when I was home was not mine either. The quiet bliss of summer would only give way to another school year at Cushing academy. Then when I got out the school and hit up public school my room was only there as a temporary refuge from my parents and the in-between I lived in from when I was going to school and when I would be at college. Even during my year off I planned on getting an apartment. But now that season that comes once a year to kick my ass is upon us. Most people hate Valentines Day because it reminds them of their own lack of relationship (the truly cynical point out how it’s just a holiday to take advantage of chocolate season). But this is the season where I become closest to becoming depressed. I could never figure it out, not really, I always thought it was just that I had to see my family again. But as the years have rolled by, and I got the license and developed my sense of avoidance that allows me to bypass most of the big holiday brew “haha”, I still get all moopey. So, something was/is up. Then tonight it hit me! I want a place to go for the holiday’s, not literally had to go, but some place that I want to be. Does that sound nuts? I mean it’s not just about having a room someplace, but like, a home that wants me. Oh my. That was telling. But fuck it, while I am making demands of the universe… That’s what I want in like 5 years. A place that makes me happy for Hanukah. And all that random stuff. On an unrelated note: I officially have severe jealously for www.geekslut.org and would like to extend mild hatred toward him and his life.  And on a related note: I saw the top online today (the one that I am doing cum control with). I said hi, and I got nothing back… curse technology. I plan to continue and check back tomorrow. But man I wanna call him late night and ask to cum 
- posted by G @ 5:04 AM