Hmmm, a thought permeates one that should have a long time ago. I am on the verge of this new thing and so I of course re-examine the old ones. I read too much into my relationship with my crush I think. It feels really messed up to think that, but it’s true. Sigh, I hate being wrong, and man was I wrong, it’s weird, I am not sure what brought these thoughts on. Well I do, I am considering dating and I worry that I am misreading it again. Sigh, unsure never did fit me well. It doesn’t affect anything, I will act how I act it all just brings worries. Damnit, truthfully I feel less emotionally independent than I did a year ago. Which I guess is a good thing, but still weird. I need to give my crush a new name, Specs, short speciousness, no need to explain. Damnit, I was nuts, I guess that’s what a crush is about right? The weird thoughts? The desire to impress? Oh well, I am not sure I am over it all, but I can say that I am not under it I suppose. I am sticking with the fuck and run theory to my universe for a bit I think, but hell, who knows anymore. I am learning that one cannot predict things in this emotion game. One thing bothers me though, Specs told me to talk to a friend of his “he can give you something” and from what I have gained, he (his friend) is not someone I would strive to be like, or desire to really know. I wonder if Specs compares us (me and his friend), and considers me akin to him. I am listening to Matt Nathanson tomorrow, his music helps clear the mind with it’s inane Christian rock style. No wait I am not done, okay so here’s the part that bothers me. That I am capable of that kind of construct (big words tonight). I have no fucking clue about Specs, I don’t know him well. We have met three times I think, and yet I wanted to date him. Okay I think I am done with ranting. I need to lay in bed and sleep or something like that.
- posted by G @ 3:32 AM